Dating a girl who used to sleep around
Mine starts, "Once upon a time, a girl who lacked self-confidence sought male affirmation, and at 15 she impulsively lost her virginity to a guy whom she'd just met and whose name she can no longer remember…." Despite growing older (and, presumably, wiser), I haven't strayed far from that script.
My first encounter set in motion a cycle that undermined my evolving relationship needs.
When we rush into bed, she observes, the chances are greater that we find ourselves wanting the man either more, or less, than he wants us.
In either case, we're off balance instead of being in that relationship comfort zone where both parties desire each other in roughly the same way and to the same degree.
But while you're at it, consider the following five reasons to hold off a little: They come from therapists, sexologists and real women, and they're compelling.
Christien, 31, says that after waiting six months to sleep with her boyfriend, closing the deal was "intense—in a good way." She decided to wait, she says, because "he showed looks like it can go somewhere' potential" and she "could establish a bond with him—both for romance friendship." But waiting hasn't always been Christien's thing.
I might have discovered over the course of a few conversations that I wasn't interested. Maybe if I'd practiced a little sexual restraint I would have saved myself a lot of confusion and him some hurt. I reject game playing, refuse to subscribe to the not-before-the-third-date law and believe women are in charge of their sex lives the same way men are. episode left me in need of advice on the issue, so I asked around. "We always tout the exception: A woman sleeps with a guy on the first date, and they wind up married and it's all great.
But for every one of those fairy tales, I've heard 150 stories from women who've started down that road and didn't end up in the loving relationship they wanted."Asking yourself whether you're having sex too soon, Atwood hastens to point out, doesn't mean catapulting back to the days when women weren't entitled to be as freely, truly, madly and deeply sexual as men.
But, she warns, the heaviness can catch up with you by the time you wake up the next morning.In fact, I'd spent a good deal of my romantic life doing what I can only call dating in bed.But I couldn't help what-iffing: What if that first night, I'd hung up the phone and gone to sleep (alone and, yes, a little horny, but giddy about what might happen)? I'm not bragging, but he took our breakup hard.Charmingly boyish now seemed plain immature, and enthusiastic was more like hyper.The more time we spent vertical, actually talking, the less I liked him.
So one night, during a romantic dinner at my favorite Italian bistro (I'd insisted that we finally go somewhere other than our apartments), I announced, "I don't think we have what it takes to make it in the long run." After six months of ordering takeout and sleeping over, we were breaking up on our first real date.